A true friend:
Will spend their whole afternoon listening to your sob stories even when they’ve heard it a zillion times – and when you ask them if they’re not yet getting tired hearing the same old stories from you, they just smile and say: I never hear you tell two stories the same way…
Laugh and cry with you even when they know you’re clinically insane and should be institutionalized.
Needs no reason to help you out whether you need help posting bail money or collecting date money.
Breaks out the booze and celebrates with you when you tell them you have a new boyfriend/girlfriend.
Breaks out the booze again and commiserate with you when you tell them you’ve just broken up with your significant other.
Keeps their face straight and applauds mightily at the end of your horrible singing performance at the karaoke bar.
Will reply to this letter and tell me they miss me too.